Sleep training can be a little bit of a controversial subject. I understand that and the fact that it’s not for everyone. However, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that it has been such a positive thing for our little man. Now, depending on how old your baby is and what their dietary needs may be, sleep training may or may not necessarily mean simultaneously weening them off night feedings. For us, I knew that Fischer was in a good place to where sleeping through the night was our end goal. However, if we had started this process earlier on (the way I plan to next time), my goal will be to have that baby sleeping a full three hours between each nighttime feeding.
I just want to clarify that before getting started. I also want to say preface this post by saying that I’m not an expert or a professional or a doctor of any kind. I’m simply a first time mom that found success with sleep training her four month old. Also, I fully believe that you, as your baby’s mother, know what’s best for your little one. Nobody knows them better than you do, so don’t be afraid to tweak, alter of change any of the information below to suit your own needs!
the tools.
There are three specific tools that truly helped during our sleep training journey. They were:
- A consistent bedtime routine
Thankfully, I’d heard about the importance of a consistent nighttime routine early on. Since Fischer started sleeping in his crib in the nursery at 8 weeks old, his bedtime routine has been this. First is bath time. Once he’s cleaned up with a diaper and his sleep suit on, his sound machine with white noise gets turned on. The lights then get turned off and his blackout curtains are closed. Next, he gets a breast milk bottle while we rock him in his rocker. Finally, he gets put down for sleep. Currently, we start his bedtime routine at 6:45, but that’s just the time that works for us. Your family/baby may require a bedtime that’s earlier or later!
- A visual baby monitor
This really did make it so much easier to see what was going on with Fischer during those first few nights of sleep training. It was really convenient to be able to see his eyes, whether or not he’d dropped his pacifier and just his demeanor in general. If you don’t have one, I’d highly recommend a visual baby monitor. This is the one we use.
- Baby Merlin’s Magic Sleepsuit
I raved about this before (especially in this post). It made such a huge difference even before we started sleep training when I thought Fischer was going through the four-month sleep regression the first time. Turns out he was just hating the swaddle at that point, but this helped him nonetheless. We love it so much that, when Fischer recently grew out of his first one, I immediately ordered the next size up!
the method.
It was in the midst of my sleep desperation that I finally started to research sleep training methods. Don’t ask me why I hadn’t thought to research any of it earlier lol. If I had it all to do over again I definitely would have started to come up with a game plan before he was even born. I would have at least become familiar with the different methods so that I could easily make a decision according to Fischer’s specific needs and personality when the time came. So, that’s definitely something I would recommend doing for any of you soon-to-be new mamas! Just read about the different methods, what they entail and what your options are. It helped me so much mentally when I finally had some knowledge under my belt and felt like I had a game plan.
There are several different methods out there and, again, I firmly believe you have to make your own decision on what will work best for you and your baby. There is no one-size-fits-all sleep training method. The key I think is to pick one and stick to it throughout. Changing it up midway will only confuse your babe and make life harder on you!
I ended up choosing a variation of the Ferber method. It’s defined as training children to self-soothe by allowing them to cry for a predetermined amount of time before receiving external comfort. Ideally of course, I would have chosen something that didn’t involve letting him cry it out for any period of time. However, I knew at that point it simply wouldn’t be an option for Fischer for various reasons.
So, I resolved to let him cry/fuss for three minutes and then offer 10 seconds of external comfort. A lot of people recommend increasing the three minute interval to five, seven, etc. minutes as you go, but I decided to stick with three. I also resolved not to pick him up during those few seconds. The other part of the method is to start a timer during the calm moments too. If the baby is quiet for more than 10 seconds, you’re supposed to restart the three minute timer.
the decision to start.
The decision to finally start training came pretty much out of necessity. About a week before we started, Fischer started to do this thing where he’d go down for bed around 7:15 and then wake up around 10pm and want to just hang out for an hour or more. He did it a couple of times and, although not ideal, it wasn’t unbearable. He would hang out with us for a bit and then he’d let us put him back down for bed. He’d then sleep until around 4am. At that time, I’d feed him and put him back down to sleep until 7:30 or 8am.
Gradually, he started to wake up in the middle of the night more and more. That was when I started to realize he was going through the actual sleep regression. According to my Wonder Weeks app he was beginning his month-long leap and absolutely nothing was working in terms of sleep. Feeding him wasn’t working. Rocking him didn’t help. Picking him up and swaying him back and forth was good – but when I laid him back down the crying would start immediately. It got so bad that there were several nights where I’d lay down on the floor next to his crib in hopes of getting a few minutes of sleep. It wasn’t even worth walking back into the other room. By the time I got into bed and as soon as my head hit the pillow he’d be crying again. It was unsustainable and I was literally losing my mind.
the first night.
So, one night – actually (and thankfully), it was the night I’d spent the day researching sleep training and coming up with a game plan. I’d actually put Fischer to bed at 7pm after a rough day of two VERY short naps and a terrible night’s sleep. I knew he was exhausted and had high hopes that he’d sleep solidly. But no such luck. Just one hour later at 8pm he was awake and crying. That’s when I knew it was time. For both his health and my sanity.
I camped out upstairs right outside his bedroom door with the visual monitor and a glass of wine that G had brought me to help calm my mama nerves. I set my phone’s stopwatch to three minutes and waited. When it went off, I went into his room, put one hand on his chest, put my face down low next to his and shushed in his ear. I did that, gave him as many kisses as possible and then walked out of the room. Also, I replaced his pacifier during this time.
The first night, this lasted two hours. For probably the first hour nothing really changed. He’d be crying just as hard by the time I was walking out of the room as he was when I walked in. But gradually, I could see it start to get better (probably out of his exhaustion, but still). Around the one-hour mark, my shushing and gentle patting seemed to start to have an effect. He eventually began to calm down a little bit as I left the room. Eventually, he’d be calm long enough for me to restart the three-minute timer over and over again. Until finally he was asleep for good. I think he slept that night until around 4am. And after I fed him he went right back to sleep.
I do want to point out really quick that during that first night, I used my own discernment and broke the ‘don’t pick them up’ rule. There were a few times where he seemed in very real distress and I gave in. But the times that I did pick him up I still kept it to 10 seconds, put him down and walked out whether he was crying or not. I wouldn’t have done it if it seemed to make things worse, but I really think it helped him progress. And that’s where I encourage every mom to do what they think is best. Again, nobody knows your baby better than you do.
the second night.
The second night it only took an hour of sleep training to have him down for good. The third night it took 20 minutes. He slept through the night (even skipped the 4am wake time) by the fourth night. And has been a pro at putting himself to bed (and naps) ever since. He doesn’t ALWAYS sleep through the night but nine times out of 10 it only takes a quick replacement of his pacifier to get him back to sleep.
I can honestly say I didn’t expect it to work as well as it did. I can also say that sitting by and listening to my baby cry for hours on end was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But it was, in our case, completely necessary. I think it’s been such a gift for both myself and Fischer. He now knows how to put himself to sleep, seems happier and much more laidback. I also want to say that his sleep still isn’t perfect. He still has a few rough nights here and there, but he’s a baby. I know that just comes with the territory. At least now we’re all getting much more sleep, he has a reliable schedule and everyone knows what to expect.
Again, friends, sleep training is a hard subject. Every baby and every situation is different. This is just what our experience was like. If you have any questions or just want to bounce ideas off someone, please feel free to reach out! I’d also love to hear your stories and experiences if this isn’t something that’s new to you. Additionally, if you end up trying some variation of sleep training because of this post, I’d LOVE to hear how it goes. Good luck, mamas!
